faithless.

[written 3-18-11]

my heart is full. it's contents expanding rapidly causing the seams to bulge and the stitches to shred.
i've never wanted to give so much of myself to anything. i don't want that now. but it has happened.
the weight of this desire, this content existence. it's a hunger that's impossible to feed; it's tantalizing.
all of the power is out of my control and this notion is ridiculous to me. i should never relinquish this much to another.
but i have, and it shows that i am capable. the only stories i know the endings to have already occurred. i want to predict, because i think i can, but predictions are foolish. yet so is every other human tendency. it's high time to make that admission. we are all fools in our own right and there's no amount of knowledge that can give us escape from such reality.
there's no need to rationalize. there's no need for plans. i can hope, pray and dream, but i will only know mystery.
i accept mystery.